Survivor
by christibabe
Summary: This is a song-fic from Stephanie's POV about her past as she makes plans for her future away from Trenton. Babe HEA


Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.E.

This is a one shot song-fic with the song Survivor by Destiny's Child. This is dedicated to Margaret Fowler. Hope you enjoy it.

Stephanie's POV:

I stand here looking around our apartment on 7 one last time. Everything has been packed and shipped to our new location in Miami. Ranger and I made the decision together. We knew we didn't want to stay here. Now that we had finally admitted our feelings for each other and taken the next step by getting married, there was nothing to hold either of us in Trenton. I'd had a few twinges about moving. I was going to miss my grandma Mazur the most. However, she'd asked to join us one night for dinner and Ranger agreed to indulge her. He'd asked Lester to pick her up and when she arrived, we had a wonderful meal that Ella had made for us.

Grandma waited till we were done eating and then she'd looked us both in the eyes and said, "I don't want you kids thinking you have to stay around here on account of me. I'm an old woman and I've lived a good life. This place suits me because I can act as shockingly as I want to. All that gossip don't bother me none, I thrive on it. But you're different Stephanie. You don't need other people's approval to make you happy and you don't need to shock people to enjoy life. I know you'd never be happy living in the Burg. Even this here apartment is too close for comfort for you. What I'm trying to say baby girl is it's okay with me if you make your life elsewhere. I'll come visit you when I can and we can have ourselves a ball."

I hugged her and whispered, "How did you know?"

She smiled and hugged me back. "You're stronger than all of us put together. When I think of all the things you've been through...you're a survivor baby girl. It's plain as day."

(Verse 1)  
_Now that you are out of my life,__  
__I'm so much better,__  
__You thought that I'd be weak without ya,__  
__But I'm stronger,__  
__You thought that I'd be broke without ya,__  
__But I'm richer,__  
__You thought that I'd be sad without ya,__  
__I laugh harder,__  
__You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,__  
__Now I'm wiser,__  
__You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,__  
__But I'm smarter,__  
__You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,__  
__But I'm chillin'__  
__You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,__  
__Sold nine million._

When the decision came that we were in deed moving, Miami was the logical choice. Ranger's daughter Julie lived there and we both wanted to be closer to her. Especially now that she was going to have a baby brother or sister soon. Ranger had talked with the man in charge of Rangeman Miami and it just so happened he was looking for a change of scenery due to the fact his young wife and son had been killed in a car accident and staying there he had too many reminders. He was bringing his core team with him and Tank, Bobby and Lester were going with us. There would be further changes over the next 6 months but the rest of the guys agreed to stay until they could be rotated out without undue manpower shortages.

I stopped by the bonds office to say goodbye to everyone. Connie and I hugged and she wished me well. Lula grinned and when I hugged her she whispered that I'd be seeing her around sooner than I expected. Then she told me Tank had asked her to go with him. I smiled and told her I'd see her in Miami then. Vinnie wasn't too happy when I told him I was quitting. However, he quickly changed his tone when Ranger took a step closer.

I stopped at Mary Lou's and we had a long conversation. She made me promise to call her often and to stay in touch. She said even though we were opposites, I would always be her best friend. I frowned, never realizing how right she was to say that. As much as Mary Lou craved the Burg life, I wanted nothing to do with it. It was amazing that two people so different in their overall views could wind up being best friends. I promised to stay in touch and she promised not to fill me in on all the gossip. I guess you could call that a win win.

[Chorus]  
_I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what)._

On Thursday, Ranger and I had gone to my parents house for dinner. Val and her family were there as well. We told everyone about our decision to move to Miami. My mom downed her glass of Jack Daniels and poured another. She asked me, "What will people think?"

For the first time in my life I answered her honestly, "I don't care what anyone else thinks mom. This is_ my_ life and I'm doing this for me."

She went to say something else but my father gave her a stern look and said, "We want you both to be very happy. You're welcome here anytime."

I smiled at him gratefully and said, "Thanks dad. And we hope you will all come visit us when you can as well."

We hugged and cried when we said goodbyes. I was sad to be leaving them, but I knew if I wanted my life to be happy, I had to leave.

(Verse 2)  
_Thought I couldn't breathe without you,__  
__I'm inhalin'__  
__You thought I couldn't see without you,__  
__Perfect vision,__  
__You thought I couldn't last without ya,__  
__But I'm lastin'__  
__You thought that I would die without ya,__  
__But I'm livin'__  
__Thought that I would fail without ya,__  
__But I'm on top,__  
__Though it would be over by now,__  
__But it won't stop,__  
__You thought that I would self-destruct,__  
__But I'm still here,__  
__Even in my years to come,__  
__I'm still gon' be here._

I'd had an eventful life here in Trenton. I had to admit, the past few years had been even more eventful. I'd come a long way since that day I entered the bonds office and blackmailed Vinnie into giving me a job. I let Joe Morelli back into my life and met Ranger. I'd lost countless cars to car heaven. They'd been blown to smithereens for one reason or another. My apartment had been bombed more than once. By some stroke of misfortune the bathroom had never managed to get torched. At least not till I moved out. Wouldn't you know it, I finally gave up my apartment when I moved in with Ranger and one of my old skips tossed a Molotov cocktail into my apartment and the only room that had been destroyed was my old bathroom. All the guys had practically rolled on the floor laughing at that one.

I lost count of the stalkers I'd attracted. Benito Ramirez, Sugar, Abruzzi, Junkman, Con Stiva, and Scrog just to name a few. I'd survived them all. Of course I had some help. The ones that weighed on me the most were Abruzzi and Scrog. Abruzzi because I knew Ranger killed him to protect me. Abruzzi wouldn't have given up till he killed me, and when Ranger saw what he had done to me...the look in his eyes when he told Joe to take me home. I knew. I was just glad the police didn't question Abruzzi's suicide. Then Scrog. I was scared I was going to loose Ranger when he walked into my apartment unarmed that day, knowing he was going to get shot. I think if he died that day I would have tried to crawl in the grave with him. But Ranger's a survivor. In that we are a lot alike.

[Chorus]  
_I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what)._

I came back to the present and looked around the penthouse apartment one last time. The furniture was staying. There were only two pieces I was unable to part with and Ranger had said I could bring them with and he would have them replaced for Chad. He would be taking over the apartment as the new CEO of Rangeman Trenton. I made one last walk through the apartment, smiling as I remember Ranger making love to me on the sofa, or eating breakfast at the kitchen table. Ranger saying as I eat my pancakes and syrup,_ "That stuff will kill you Babe." _So many memories. He would stay here if I asked. I won't do that. I am strong enough to take the good memories with us. The bad ones I can leave behind. They no longer have the power to hurt me. One last look and I turn and walk out the door, closing it behind me. I move to the elevator and hit the key fob for the garage. I am meeting Ranger at Pino's for lunch before we head to Newark. I stop on 5 long enough to hand in the key fob and give all the guys a hug. Tank, Lester and Bobby will be joining us in a matter of weeks in Miami, and I know many of the guys will join us over the next 6 months.

(Bridge)  
_I'm wishin' you the best,__  
__Pray that you are blessed,__  
__Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,__  
__(I'm better than that)__  
__I'm not gonna blast you on the radio,__  
__(I'm better than that)__  
__I'm not gonna lie on you or your family,__  
__(I'm better than that)__  
__I'm not gonna hate you in the magazine,__  
__(I'm better than that)__  
__I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity,__  
__(I'm better than that)__  
__You know I'm not gonna diss you on the Internet__  
__Cause my momma told me better than that.__  
_

I take the elevator to the garage and unlock the Cayenne. Tank, Lester and Bobby are joining us at Pino's and will bring the Cayenne back as Ranger and I are taking the Turbo to Newark. I drive slowly through town, once again taking in everything that has made me the person I am today. I drive to Stark street and drive past the gym where Ramirez used to work out, and the corner where I first met Lula. Next I head over to Comstock and the circle where Sally Sweet drove the bus and took out the Slayers, saving my life. I continue driving and go past The Tasty Pastry where I lost my virginity. I drive through Morelli's neighborhood and think of all the time I wasted thinking I was in love with him. I shook my head in disgust. It was never real love. It was a child's way of dealing with being molested. It was really okay if I loved him and wanted it. So of course when he locked the door and took my virginity at the Tasty Pastry, that was okay too because I still loved him right? It wasn't until I really fell in love with Ranger and started really looking at my past that I saw it for what it really was. My only regret was leaving Bob with him. Ends up I loved the dog more than I ever loved the man.

[Chorus]  
_I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),_  
_I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what), __  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what).__  
_

I drive past Stiva's funeral home and see grandma Mazur walking across the street to enter the funeral home. I roll down the window and holler out, "Hey grandma. I love you."

She turns around and beams at me. "Love you to Stephanie. Have a great trip honey."

We will."

I smile as I watch her walk inside. She did love going to viewings. I drive past my parents house and take one last look at the house where I grew up. I remember jumping off the garage roof at the age of 7 convinced I could fly. Next I drive by the Trenton Police Department and see my cousin Eddie walking to his car. I stop and shout out, "Take care Eddie."

He turns and smiles, "You too Stephanie. I'm going to miss you."

I'll miss you too."

I drive by the spot where Momma Macaroni had her dry cleaning business and see an empty lot. I can't resist once more driving through Cluck In A Bucket. Finally, I've made my way through the Burg, as I drive by Mary Lou's she waves and blows me a kiss as she wipes tears from her eyes. I've seen everything I wanted to take one last glance at. Ranger had offered to make the journey with me but when I explained my reasons for wanting to make the trip solo, he simply took me in his arms and said, "Proud of you Babe."

_Oh__  
__(Oh)__  
__Oh__  
__(Oh)__  
__Oh__  
__(Oh)__  
__Oh__  
__(Oh)__  
__Oh__  
__(Oh)__  
__Oh__  
__(Oh)__  
__Oh__  
__(Oh)__  
__Oh__  
__(Oh)_

I finally pull up in front of Pino's and lock up the Cayenne before heading inside. Ranger is already there with the guys and I make my way back to join them. Several people call out to me and wish me luck. I thank them and tell them to take care. Ranger stands so I can slip into the booth between him and Lester. The waitress comes over with our order and I take my first bite of what might be my last Pino's sub. I moan as the ooey goodness reaches my taste buds.

Carl and Big Dog come in and stop to talk, soon Robin Russell, my cousin Eddie, Joe Juniak, and several others join us. I notice several guys from the fire department stop in and come back to wish me well. The whole time, Ranger sits beside me holding my hand and rubbing his thumb up and down the back of my hand. He's there if I need him, but he's following my lead on this. Finally, it's time to go. Ranger stands and pulls me up beside him and we walk to the door. We are nearly there when Joe Morelli walks in.

His jaw clenches as he sees Ranger there beside me. He gives Ranger a dark look and turns to me with a smirk, "Hey Cupcake, how about coming over to watch the Ranger's game tonight."

I feel Ranger tense beside me and I place a hand on his arm. I turn to Joe and smile, "Sorry Joe but I'm on my way out of town. You've been gone for awhile and so you may not have heard. Ranger and I got married 6 weeks ago."

What! What do you mean you married Manoso? How could you do that to me Cupcake? You knew I always wanted us to get married."

Yes. I know_ you _wanted us to get married. I think we both know that was never what I wanted. I never could commit to you Joe and I think we both know why. You molested me when I was 6 years old and then when I was 16, you stole my virginity when you came into the Tasty Pastry and locked the door so I couldn't get away. I've grown up Joe and come to realize what you did wasn't okay. The love I felt for you was a victims love. I don't need it anymore. I have a real love. My love for Ranger." With that I took Ranger's hand in mine and we walked out of Pino's and got in the Turbo. I never once looked back.

_After all of the darkness and sadness,__  
__Still comes happiness,__  
__If I surround myself with positive things,__  
__I'll gain prosperity._

Ranger seated me in the Turbo before taking his seat behind the wheel. I leaned over and kissed him. "I love you Ranger. My life was nothing until I met you. That day in the diner was the best day of my life." I smiled, "After all, why else do you think I insisted on working for Vinnie for so long? It's the only way I knew to keep you in my life."

Ranger smiled at me and said, "No worries Babe. The minute I saw you there was no escape for you. I love you Babe."

We kissed passionately before I settled back in my seat and he put the car into gear and we headed out of Trenton.

[Chorus]  
_I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what)(Don't stop me now)__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),_  
_I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what)._

We stopped at Ranger's parents once we got to Newark. The Turbo was going to stay in their garage until Lester came to Miami and then he was going to drive it down for us. We had a lovely visit and then they drove us to the airport.

[Chorus]  
_I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm not gonna give up (what),__  
__I'm not gon' stop (what),__  
__I'm gonna work harder (what),__  
__I'm a survivor (what),__  
__I'm gonna make it (what),__  
__I will survive (what),__  
__Keep on survivin' (what)._

As I entered the plane, I left everything behind. All the feelings of failure, the worries about what everyone would think, the gossip, all the bad feelings, everything. As I walked onto the plane, the only thing I took into the future was the love for my family and friends, and the man beside me. He was the future. I was ready to move beyond childhood into adulthood and today was the day I did it. Through everything that had happened in my life, I had made it through. I had the man I loved more than anything else beside me and we were going to have a wonderful life together. I had finally shaken off the past, because I was a survivor.


End file.
